When my girls were little and beginning to reason and wonder, the one thing they had in common was the question of why. “Papa, why do pinecones fall down on the ground?” This one question would explode into multiple “why” questions. Although it could be frustrating at times, their little minds were curiously hungry to try to understand the world around them. The questions of why were never a proving ground for trust; it was because they just wanted to know. Trust in their father was never in question.
However, in reassessing my walk with my Heavenly Father, trust is often the question behind the question of why. Although slight, wondering why was not so much for understanding as it was for trusting more. My questions were really saying, “I’m not sure I can fully trust until I fully understand.” Now if asked, in my mind the response would be Hebrews 11:1-3 – Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. For by it the people of old received their commendation. By faith we understand that the universe was created by the word of God, so that what is seen was not made out of things that are visible.” Or Proverbs 3:5-6 – “Trust in the Lord with all you heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make straight your paths.” But my heart struggle was trying to make sense of what is being seen and experienced alongside what I know and believe. Perhaps if I could understand why, I would feel better, have greater assurance, and be able to continue without stumbling. What I have come to realize is that just like my girls, the one why question explodes into multiple why questions.
Where I began to find relief was in the book of Job. Now at first reading, this book frustrated me to no end. It seemed unfair, unjust, and unbelievable that God would allow all that happened to happen. The change came in the shift of the up close, under a microscope attempt at making sense of all the details to a 20,000-foot view of the theme of Job: God is sovereign. Job is more about who God is than what happens to Job. Although the events are still somewhat unsettling and not understood, the truth is found in the sovereignty of God.
My perspective shifts when I began to personalize the response from God in 38:2-4: “Who is this that darkens counsel by words without knowledge? Dress for action like a man; I will question you, and you make it known to me. Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth?” Just this question alone puts me in my place. I am not God’s peer where I can question his actions and motives. He is the one who laid the foundation of the earth. God is the one that the sons of God and Satan himself must come before (Job 1:6).
Like Job, I have needed to hear God and repent. For me, it has taken knowing my place, submitting to God, and letting go of my need to know why, that my trust in Him grows. Releasing my false need to be in control and attempting to understand has been freeing. I praise my loving Heavenly Father that He is working to bring me to childlike faith so that trust in my Father is never a question. Knowing and believing that God truly is sovereign brings great comfort to my heart.